An Outstretched Hand

Never underestimate the healing power of an outstretched hand.

Several years ago, a friend called my office in obvious distress and asked, almost apologetically, if we could meet. I grabbed my keys and, half an hour later, found myself on the back porch of a not-yet-open neighborhood café, watching and listening attentively as her fragile heart broke before my eyes and a steady stream of tears borne of years of substance abuse, guilt, and shame silently streamed down the sides of her beautiful face. It’s incredibly humbling to bear witness to that kind of vulnerability and I’m never quite sure what to do or say.

This time, at least initially, I didn’t say anything. Instead, I reached out, took her hand and gently placed it in mine - and the two of us just sat for several minutes in silence. As we did, I could almost feel some of the pain siphoning off her heart and transferring through the tips of our intertwined fingers to mine, which was wide open with empathy and ready to bear it so that hers could have a moment’s respite from the storm. The words that followed were really secondary and mostly unnecessary, because my presence and outstretched hand said it all:

“You matter to me.”

“Nothing you’ve said or done changes that.”

“You don’t have to walk this leg of the journey alone.”

“I accept you just as (and right where) you are.”

“I see and affirm the goodness in you.”

“I’m here to share your burden.”

“I’m in your corner and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I am FOR you.”

Sometimes I think we shy away from others’ pain because we feel ill-equipped, lacking in “right” words - that what’s needed is something much “bigger” than anything we have to offer. I know, because, for a very long time, I felt that way too. But it's simply not true. More often than not, when the darkness creeps in, what’s needed most is the realization that we’re not alone and that there’s someone in the world who cares enough to drop what they're doing and, without judgment, offer an outstretched hand to hold.

The good news is, we all have two of those!